I never saw or held you; I only knew of your existence for a few months. It’s been 28 years since your passing and still your loss affects me. Every anniversary is different — some years it takes me several weeks to notice the month. Other times, like this year, I’m already sad before I realize the date.
If you had been born, one of your brothers wouldn’t exist. As much as I am grateful for the gift of his life, I still have moments of wondering what your personality would have been like.
The only visible reminder of you is your name — Bethany — spelled out in Scrabble tiles with other family names. That project is hanging on the wall in the dining room, present for family dinners. It is also a reminder that my sister remembers you and included you when she created that gift for me.
I don’t know if we will see and recognize other souls in an afterlife. If that is possible, I hope you were greeted by your great-grandmother. I hope you welcomed your uncle when he arrived, and later your aunt and grandmother. These thoughts comfort me.
Missing you still,