In Memoriam

I never saw or held you; I only knew of your existence for a few months.  It’s been 28 years since your passing and still your loss affects me.  Every anniversary is different — some years it takes me several weeks to notice the month.  Other times, like this year, I’m already sad before I realize the date.

If you had been born, one of your brothers wouldn’t exist.  As much as I am grateful for the gift of his life, I still have moments of wondering what your personality would have been like.

The only visible reminder of you is your name — Bethany — spelled out in Scrabble tiles with other family names. That project is hanging on the wall in the dining room, present for family dinners. It is also a reminder that my sister remembers you and included you when she created that gift for me.

I don’t know if we will see and recognize other souls in an afterlife.  If that is possible, I hope you were greeted by your great-grandmother.  I hope you welcomed your uncle when he arrived, and later your aunt and grandmother.  These thoughts comfort me.

Missing you still,

Mom

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